I stopped smoking cigarettes Aug. 17th but it could have been the 24th. I just wanted to record some of the things that I am going through and some of the things that I have learned. I am not prideful enough to believe that I'll never smoke again but I know how important it is that I don't do it again. I love God with all my heart and I want to do what is right, not just what is right for me.
God is goodness, he is the very essence of goodness and righteousness; righteousness is not a religious word, it just means what is right and true! I know God is good and he proves it to me over and over again and I want to do what is good because of him.
It gets hard for me sometimes because I really want to smoke but I know smoking is not good for my body; even if I didn't feel any terrible affects of smoking, I still know that I could feel the affect of being more tired when I dance and the increasing heart rate sometimes. I could feel the mucus in my throat, that was increasing getting more difficult to clear the more I smoked. I've only been smoking for 2 and a half to 3 years but that seems like a long time and enough if you ask me! The mucus in my throat made it seem difficult to me because I like to sing so much, though I knew I still could sing; I might have been more worried about having an accident and coughing it up while I was in the middle of singing! Not to forget that smoke is not good for my children and I don't want them to think that it is!
The addiction made it the worst for me though. Not that it would ever take my attention away from God but it just made a spiritual battle between my spirit and my flesh and my soul was in between; not knowing where to recide and thats how I could have lost my mind that way, but I trust in God in all things so I knew I wouldn't. Yes, though I walk through the valley of the shadowy death; you are with me God! Whether I create the situation or not!
Of course I wasn't trying to create this situation, it was a natural occurrence. We all have this enmity towards God, though I wasn't trying to be against God, I was trying to entertain myself. Dealing with stress and boredom mostly. I have learned and am still learning to put all my desires in God's hands, persistence is key and faith in God is a must!
