Sat- Sep. 10-2022

 I stopped smoking cigarettes Aug. 17th but it could have been the 24th. I just wanted to record some of the things that I am going through and some of the things that I have learned. I am not prideful enough to believe that I'll never smoke again but I know how important it is that I don't do it again. I love God with all my heart and I want to do what is right, not just what is right for me.

  God is goodness, he is the very essence of goodness and righteousness; righteousness is not a religious word, it just means what is right and true! I know God is good and he proves it to me over and over again and I want to do what is good because of him. 

 It gets hard for me sometimes because I really want to smoke but I know smoking is not good for my body; even if I didn't feel any terrible affects of smoking, I still know that I could feel the affect of being more tired when I dance and the increasing heart rate sometimes. I could feel the mucus in my throat, that was increasing getting more difficult to clear the more I smoked. I've only been smoking for 2 and a half to 3 years but that seems like a long time and enough if you ask me! The mucus in my throat made it seem difficult to me because I like to sing so much, though I knew I still could sing; I might have been more worried about having an accident and coughing it up while I was in the middle of singing! Not to forget that smoke is not good for my children and I don't want them to think that it is!

The addiction made it the worst for me though. Not that it would ever take my attention away from God but it just made a spiritual battle between my spirit and my flesh and my soul was in between; not knowing where to recide and thats how I could have lost my mind that way, but I trust in God in all things so I knew I wouldn't. Yes, though I walk through the valley of the shadowy death; you are with me God! Whether I create the situation or not!

 Of course I wasn't trying to create this situation, it was a natural occurrence. We all have this enmity towards God, though I wasn't trying to be against God, I was trying to entertain myself. Dealing with stress and boredom mostly. I have learned and am still learning to put all my desires in God's hands, persistence is key and faith in God is a must!

I thought about making a video...

 I thought about making a video but I just feel like it would be easier for me to write it out. Some people say that I'm a good writer and I should write a book, manely my mom but I believe her!😁 The truth is... that it takes me a while to Collect my thoughts, not that that's a bad thing. I am who I am! 

  Anyway, I just feel like the Lord wants me to speak up as if this is my ministry; just to be who I am to share my experiences, my thoughts and one thing that caught my attention was a post on Facebook. It read: "If your pastor knows your living in sin and let's you minister on the alter or serve on the worship team then he cares more about your gifts than your soul". 

  I get what that message is saying I do but also it is not for us to judge. Sometimes God puts us in those situations and we should use them to advance the kingdom of God! For example maybe that's a time to minister to that person living in sin? There is a difference between someone of the world and someone in the world... Someone of the world would have given their heart to it but someone in the world is someone who loves the Lord and has given their heart to God but is still struggling with sin. Sin can be used as a stepping stone to learn and grow; we all have it and use it, we all fall short of the glory of God but that is exactly why we shouldn't be religious and why we should let God work with another believer. We can't walk in righteousness without the Lord!

 I feel as if I am "in the world" and not of the world. Just struggling to take care of my family, my house. What would have happened if I had a chance to use my gifts in church, would I have never started smoking... I wonder... I don't blame anyone, I know God has a plan but the point of this message is to say God is in control and church shouldn't be a religious organization, the pastor shouldn't be the judge all. Because Jesus destroyed the temple and tore the veil and we are the temple where the Holy Spirit resides.